Let us face it, as long as we are all on earth, we will never escape offence. You are bound to offend someone and someone will offend you.
I grew up with a non-resident father, well I say non-resident because we never lived in the same house for more than a week in a year. He only cared about the money and the pleasures the world had to offer. It was a one man show and we all had to do what he wanted, so there was always this anger and bitterness in my heart. My mother took the brunt of his wrath and he never acknowledged her efforts in any way. Somehow, I thought the best way to get his attention or recognition was to become an overachiever. With all the distinctions and degrees, I was nowhere closed to ever pleasing him. There was no outlet to show how I felt because as an Igbo woman in Nigeria, your opinions don’t matter.
Soon, I was studying In South Africa and I put all of that energy to obtaining more degrees. I said to myself, once I have been awarded the highest qualification; I will stick it to my Father and to any one that tries to tell me what to do. Well, we make our own plans but God has the final answer (Proverbs 16:9). I mean I was born again and believed in the Lord Jesus, but there was no peace because I held onto that anger. My boyfriend, now my husband could read me like a book but he could never understand the source of the migraines I started to have, and neither did I. It was hell as I was in and out hospital for migraines, exhausting the medical aid resources and I still could not understand what I had done wrong.
Not long after, I cried to the Lord and said “please give me rest from these migraines”, and he said “forgive your father”. How can you tell me to forgive my father after abandoning me in South Africa, after cheating and emotionally abusing my mum and brother? It seemed best to hold on to the anger because If I didn’t he would go free of everything. It is the spirit of offence that the enemy uses to tie ones destiny and stops them from moving forward. These are the scriptures I found helpful as I began to listen to the Lord;
- Unforgiveness and bitterness defiles a man’s spirit and thus, hinders grace. Soon it eats away at everything good you have (Hebrews 12:14-15).
- It steals away your joy (Proverbs 14:10) and prosperity (Job 21:25)
- It blocks prayers from being answered (Mark 11:24-26)
- Satan takes advantage of bitterness and unforgiveness (2Cor2:10-11) and brings damnation in eternity (Revelations 21:27; Mathew 6:15; 1John 3:15).
Now I realize forgiveness is not an easy thing to do, but the more I studied the scripture, the easier it became. Jesus shows us using a parable how we must forgive, as our heavenly father has forgiven (Matthew 18:23-35). Soon, I began to realize that I was hurting myself more than the one who caused the offence. Forgiveness releases the power of the almighty God over you, it brings restoration of health and prosperity and your prayers begin to have impacts (Job 42:10). I have begun to apply these scriptures in my everyday life and I am blessed to say that I have been free of migraines after 8 long years (my soul has found rest). Forgiveness gives you an opportunity to move forward, and take your hands off the neck of the offender, so that God can work his will in that person’s life (something to ponder on when you have been offended). I encourage you to find rest for your souls by forgiving, and do not give the enemy a foothold over your life.