I want to thank God for all the people in my life he has used to bring me this far. This message came to me, after I unwillingly watched the animated movie Frozen with a close friend of mine. The song let it go by Idina Menzel spoke so much to me. My favourite verse of her song is “My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around. And one thought crystalizes like an icy blast. I’m never going back; the past is in the past”. I want you to keep these words in mind as you read because nothing is just a coincidence with God.
As a little girl, I heard the elders say “crying makes one weak”; you are a woman, speak only when spoken to”. I grew up with my mouth shut, concealed, and unable to admit how I feel. Anyone who knows me well can tell I am soft at heart. However, I could never really let go because I thought it made me weak. As a result I never really knew myself, what I wanted out of life and who I was in Christ. I struggled with my emotions for so long, and I became a yes woman because my opinions didn’t matter. I concealed my feelings, my potential was limited, I pushed back my tears a lot, questioned the intent of every one who was good to me and smiled on camera. This brought on a lot of baggage, fear, doubt, timidity and most times shame. Brethren, this is not God’s will for anyone because the chaos and the fractals of your life allows him the opportunity to nurture and watch you blossom.
I see fractals as the complex patterns of our lives that are created overtime through certain decisions and circumstances, and can sometimes feel like an unending loop. My biggest growth happened in South Africa because God began to fix the broken pieces (scattered fractals) using the trials that came my way. My pain was so much that I could no longer conceal my emotions or hide my past. The people I met broke down my walls through love and care, and I was no longer isolated. When I could not cry, they cried for me, prayed for me and sheltered me. Brethren, the enemy is scared of your God given potential and he will do anything to keep them hidden.
What has family stolen from you? What has circumstances taken from you? What destiny has culture and tradition delayed? What has religion hidden from you? You see, to have the mind of Christ, is to soar like an eagle. I knew the Lord was calling me but I was afraid of family, tradition and religion. During my greatest trials, my husband cried for me, and I realised that crying does not make one weak. It is a gift from God and a way to express to the Holy Spirit your pain and joy when words are too few. When Jesus wept (John 11:35), God turned that into strength and a miracle for the sake of Lazarus. Now like Idina sang, “that one thought that crystalized like an icy blast” broke free and my life has never been the same.
I learnt new things, cherished every memory that brought not only joy but pain as well. This was possible because Jesus showed me how much he loves me by bringing kings and queens to my rescue. Yes I was surrounded by many people (believers and unbelievers), so there were Godly and worldly advice. However, the word of God showed me that that freedom I now experience is to be set apart for his glory. Like Elsa in the movie frozen, away from home and in an unknown place, I learnt to love my gift and my uniqueness. God has turned my weaknesses into strength, he has opened a door for me to cry my way to victory and let go of all the hurt, pain and bitterness that held me back.
I see sometimes people comment that Pastor Joel Osteen is annoying because he cries a lot and it makes him weak. Well, I tell you that man has cried his way to victory and favour. He cried his way into my spirit and released within me a new kind of love for the Holy Spirit. I believe the Holy Spirit collects tears (Psalm 56:8); David had this deep trust in God that he will never forget his sorrow or tears. Psalm 126:6 says “Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them”. In tears I sowed my seeds and now I am living in the rest that God wants for me. I can’t stress this enough, the process of letting go is the greatest thing that can happen to anyone. This process led me and my husband to the altar, led me to seek the face of God, brought me to my calling and healed me of migraines that ruled my life for the past 8 years.
I urge you all to keep the past in the past and never go back there because all it does is keep you in bondage. The battle is never over because all I do every day is let go. It is one thing to get an A in a subject and it is another to maintain it. Brethren, seek God and have a relationship with him. Allow yourself to cry when all hell breaks loose, when the enemy steals from you, when your virtue was forcefully taken from you, when your parents don’t believe in you, when you feel you messed up, when people leave you, when you can’t face the hurt or the people you hurt. Let it all out at the feet of Jesus and watch how the Holy Spirit uses the tears to bring you to victory and rest.